Adverse Childhood Experiences

How to Survive and Thrive

Let’s face it, most of us have had at least one difficult or extruciatingly challenging childhood experience. The loss of a beloved pet, the death of a favorite grandparent, breaking a leg while biking or climbing a tree, or the surprise appearance of a baby whose entrance into the world temporarily snags our parents’ undivided attention. For the most part, these are manageable events that do not have a lifelong impact on our emotional or physical health.

Conversely, the Champions of Child Abuse Prevention have identified certain adverse childhood experiences, callled ACE’s, as circumstances that may have a deletorious impact when they occur during the first eighteen years of a child’s life. Nationwide Childhood Abuse Prevention programs name these ACE’s as the greatest unaddresed public health threat to our nation.

The Center for Disease Control defines adverse childhood experiences by offering these few examples:

• Physical abuse.

• Sexual Abuse.

• Emotional Abuse.

• Living with someone who abused drugs.

• Living with someone who abused alcohol.

• Exposure to domestic violence.

• Living with someone who has gone to prison.

• Living with someone with serious mental illness.

  Resiliency following one or more adverse events during childhood is mentioned by The National Childhood Abuse Prevention Organization with this short paragraph:

  No child is magically resilient to ACEs or automatically doomed by ACEs. A combination of a person’s biological make-up and protective factors can help mitigate the negative impacts of ACEs. This mixture of biology and protective factors may help explain how some people who have sustained a great deal of adversity as children have fared relatively well in adulthood.

The protective factors they speak about, that help mitigate some of the negagive impacts of adverse childhood experiences, include things like a teacher who notices and pays atttention to your emotional and educational needs, or the intervention by an aunt,uncle, godmother, grandfather or grandmother during drastic or ongoing situations who provide you safe shelter or special time away from home by taking you to the park, a movie, ice skating or by providing some other form of short-term relief from home’s pressures.

I’ll be forever grateful for one of my high school teachers who took an interest in me, applauded my acaademic successes, led me into leadership roles in the production of the yearbook, and school clubs. She took me shopping for clothes I entered my first year of college and, knowing I had no support from family, she sent me $5:00 each week of my freshman year. Another important mitigating factor from ages nine to eighteen, was that my two sisters’ babies and young children unconditionally provided loving touch, hugs, and playful romps, something I hadn’t previously understood was common in most families. I later came to understand that loving touch is a vital necessity for the growth of good emotional and physical health.

As readers of this Substack, perhaps some of you, having been impacted in your first eighteen years by one or more of ACE’s, have had to occasionally work hard to manage or improve your emotional, mental and/or physical health. You’re not alone!

It’s true, childhood trauma can have lifelong conseqences, but don’t despair,there are pathways to improved health even in later years.

As a survivor of heinous childhood sexual, emotional, and physical abuse, I’m an example of that truth. I’ve been blessed with miracles and the tenacity to find my way out of ten-years of alcoholism, twenty-years of smoking cigarettes, frequently choosing abusive relationships with men and women, and regularly engaging in risky behaviors like drunk driving, and making poor choices about a myriad of things such as ignoring my physical health.

Throughout my memoir (to be published sometime) I talk about how I not only survived, but actually thrived, after many years of abuse at the hands of family members, lovers, bosses, and friends. There’s no magic formula, but here are a few things that helped me:

• Spend time outdoors; look for the smallest and the exceptional miracles happening every moment in nature.

• Reward yourself for making healthy choices by, for example, taking a bubble bath or a nap, planting a flower, calling a supportive friend, or hugging a tree.

• Don’t ever give up!

• Read good books, especially books addressing self-care for abusive survivors.

• Walk, run, swim, punch a pilllow, or do whatever possible to release your anger without harming others

• Don’t drink, stop smoking, and fill your lungs with fresh air.

• Consult with a therpist, try acupuncture, reiki, shamanic healing or other alternative healing modalities.

To end, I want to add that I haven’t become who I am at seventy-seven without being attentive, avoiding the numerous potholes that could keep any one of us in a state of victimhood. You can do it too!

My advice is that you surround yourself with one or more supportive friends; end each day by acknowledging either by writing, singing, or thinking about gratitude for the smallest to the phenomenally impactful events of the day. Perhaps, on some days it comes down to feeling grateful that you have a bed, or that you’re breathing; no matter how small or seeminingly inconsequential, take a moment to acknowledge your gratitude before you fall asl

I always appreciate your comments and questions.

To honor the begining of my 78th revolution around the Sun, I’m offering a discount for paid memberships to this Substack. Follow the link to subscribe at the reduced rate of $5.00/month or $50/year.This pricing is only available until the end of February.